Final Thailand Relfection
Before I do the required reflection for the final I want to recall the most memorable moment I have of Thailand. Maybe it seems insignificant and silly to some but, for some reason, it really meant something to me.
It was in Koh Samui. Kelsey and I were sitting on the beach and yet another woman came by selling lanterns to set off on the beach. The entire weekend was amazing and Kelsey suggested that we do set off a lantern because it was out last night. I said sure. As we were lighting the lantern the woman told us that when you set off a lantern you are supposed to let go of something that you are holding on to. I started thinking about what it was that I wanted to let go of and I suddenly realized that it wasn’t just one thing I needed to let go of but a whole tuck load of things and emotions I needed to get rid of.
It seemed like the perfect time to forgive people I was angry at, to let go of my grieving and mourning, and to let go of the guilt I felt for leaving my family when I did. For some reason, as we sat in our beach chairs in silence, watching the lantern drift farther and farther into the sky, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. I can’t really explain it but it was a wonderful feeling and probably as close to a miracle as I will ever encounter so I hope to hold onto that moment for the rest of my life.
In my first entry which stated my goals and expectations I said that I wanted to learn my limits and boundaries. I don’t think I can even express how much I have learned my limits. I have been repeatedly put in front of classes and groups of people and over and over have discovered that I am not meant to be a teacher, public speaker, or performer. However, I have discovered how quickly I can overcome my embarrassment and that I can encourage myself to get through anything. Then after getting through it I can be proud of myself and not need validation from anyone else. Being that, before this trip I had never been farther than 3 hours away from my family for any extended period of time and relied greatly on them for support and encouragement, I was happy to find that I could learn to be confident in myself.
Secondly I said that I wanted to learn how to better connect with people; especially people who are very different from anyone I am used to. I not only learned how to connect with people but I learned how gravely important it is to do so and to learn from others lives and experiences.
I also wrote that I didn’t have many profound expectations about Thailand, which was true. However, at the time I was in my “honeymoon phase” and was completely comfortable with my new surroundings and people. Over time, though, I DID have some meltdowns (in the privacy of my own room) and thought to myself “what the hell am I doing here?” BUT through those tough times I found out how strong I really am. There were times when I doubted my ability to get through this experience but I pulled through and I am so happy, proud, and excited that I did it. I feel very accomplished… maybe more than I should… but for me, this was a huge step.
The greatest thing that I am taking away from this experience, I thought would be about self-discovery, but instead it is about the realization of others. I didn’t realize how ignorant I was about all the issues in the world until they were thrown in my face. I worked with ethnic minority children, so I had no choice but to learn about and see the social issues surrounding their lives. In addition, I was greatly unaware of the genocide, killing, and mistreatment of people. I was especially disturbed by the genocide of the Meo people in Laos. It is such a heartbreaking topic that few people know or care about. I know that there is no way that I can make these issues realized or alleviate them but I have learned how important it is to stay informed. I also learned how essential it is to build relationships with people of different cultures, background, etc. and learn about their circumstances and life.
Upon my return, I want to stay informed on the issues in Southeast Asia as well as become aware of more issues around the world. I also hope that people won’t just shrug me off when I talk about what is going on. I hope at least a few people will take the time to listen to me and take at least a small interest in the issues I so deeply care about now. Again, I know there is no way that I can change the world but I think the more people know about things the better chance we have of solving them.
I also hope that I maintain and utilize the skills I have accumulated here. For instance, my independence, self-confidence, and patience have all greatly increased during my time here. These are characteristics I hope to hang onto and use in my everyday life.
I never want to forget how strong a person I really am. That, even through one of the toughest times in my life, I was able to not only get through it, but get through it on my own. I couldn’t have left at a worse time for my family but I knew, for my sake, I needed to leave and find my center again. My life seemed really hectic before I left and with time and patience I have learned to forgive my past grievances and overcome my grieving and sorrow. I am thankful for all I have learned and experienced here but I am most thankful for the strength it has given me.
Interview with a Thai person
Asa and I interviewed out supervisor at Wat Don Chan about the school and students. We wanted to learn more about where they students come from and what bring with to Wat Don Chan. We found out some interesting stuff:
Wat Don Chan was started about 70 years ago by the monks at the temple. The school originally was a community school with about 100 students. When the government threatened to stop funding to the school the abbot which started it went up into the villages and got more students. Over the years the school has grown to about 600 students and within the past 5 years has even included girls.
The students of Wat Don Chan are from Northern Thailand in the provinces of Tak, Chiang Rai, Chiang Mai, Mae Hong Son, Phayao, etc. All of them were born in Thailand are come from several different minority groups including Burmese and Chinese as well as all of the hill tribe minorities.
Wat Don Chan does accept non-Thai citizens but all of the students currently there do have Thai citizenship.
Most of the students come to Wat Don Chan because they are orphans or their parents are either in jail or have passed away and there is no one in their family that can take care of them. Another incentive to go to Wat Don Chan School is that everything is free. The education, clothes, food, housing is all free. The government funds the school some but a lot of the supplies and money comes from outside donors. Most of these donors are from Singapore and Japan.
After graduation from the 9th grade a lot of students stay at Wat Don Chan and go to the vocational school. They teach basic skills there so the students will be able to go into the city and get jobs at restaurants or gas stations. Some of the students decided to go back to their villages and help their families there, however, there is very little money to be made. There are 4 students from Wat Don Chan currently enrolled in universities in Chiang Mai.
The school still needs a lot. Currently a health clinic and new library are being donated. However, the kids still need a lot of basic need items, such as, toothbrushes, tampons/pads, underwear, soap, clothing, blankets, etc.
Community Service at Wat Don Chan
For the past few months I have been teaching at Wat Don Chan. My favorite class was the 9th grade class. They were the oldest students we taught. They caught on to things so fast and were much more into learning English. The youngest students that we taught were the 4th grade. They were really difficult to handle. They had tons of energy, didn’t like to be called on or singled out, and would have probably rather been outside playding at 2 in the afternoon.
The 9th graders learned stuff so fast that we were able to do fun things with them. We could play games and one day we gave them a quiz and they finished it so fast that we were able to do hand turkeys with them. They really liked that and some of them are phenomenal artists.
I hope that fromy my couple months at Wat Don Chan that the kids learned some English andn also learned a little bit about Americans/foreigners. I hope that they will be more comfortable around foreigners now and will not be so hesitant to go up to and talk to them. Even if they didn’t learn any English I hope that they gained some confidence. When we first arrived they were all so timid and they started to really like and open up to us at the end… I hope that that sticks with them!
ICU Teaching Assignment #2
On Wednesday, November 26th, Asa and I were supposed to teach a group of Divinity students but our plans were changed at the last minute and we were scheduled to teach the nursing students again. We were excited to see them because they were so much fun the first time.
During this session we only had two girls but they were the most talkative of the bunch. We talked about movies and superstition and a little more about where they are from. Apparently besides studying in their free time they also like to learn words in different languages. One of the girl was learning Korean and knew a little Chinese as well. She also knew some random words in other languages as well.
The other girl was from Tak and we found out is from a Karen village. She can speak Karen. We also found out that her entire family lives in Texas. She stayed behind and is living with her uncle so she can study to be a nurse. She hopes to move to Texas with her family when she is done with her studies.
We also talked about Thanksgiving a little bit. Since we had just come from teaching at Wat Don Chan we had all our Thanksgiving supplies. We had had some of the kids make hand turkeys so we showed them those and we also had a bunch of pictures of things that we do on Thanksgiving. We showed them foods we eat and pictures of the parade. They liked looking at the pictures and the Karen girl said she had actually celebrated Thanksgiving before at a friends home. She had baked some pies for the event but couldn’t go this year because she was so busy with school work.
The experience was really great. I hope that they learned a little something and also were satisfied with practicing their English. I usually find that Thai people are very shy to speak English because they are afraid they will make a mistake but I didn’t feel that way talking with these girls. They really enjoyed the practice and if they said something wrong they would just laugh it off. Although it was an exhausting day we had a lot of fun and actually ended up accidentally staying a half hour over our time. The two girls are working at the graduation tomorrow as helpers to the other nurses so they said if we stop by we will be able to see them in their uniforms!
ICU Teaching Assignment #1
On Monday, November 24th, Asa and I did our first session with the nursing students. We had 5 girls in the first class and we figured we would talkabout Thanksgiving and have them tell us a little bit about Thai holidays but it turned out that we just chatted for the whole hour.
We found out about the nursing program and all the work they do. They have very little free time because they have so many classes and extra activites that are mandatory. For example, all the first year nursing students and required to do “cheer” for the seniors. They said they have to have cheer practice for 4 hours everyday! They do not get to go out really at all because any spare time they have is spent studying. When they do go out they usually go shopping.
I was also shocked to hear that in their second year they have to practice putting IVs and breathing tubes into each other. I don’t think they do anything like that in the US! I feel like if they did there would be a lot of complaints… something like inhumane treatment or something. It sounds like it could be painful or even dangerous!
I think the session went pretty well although there were a few moments of awkward silence. All of the girls wanted to be there to practice and were really excited to meet us. We didn’t think at the time that we were going to be seeing them again but it turned out that we got to see them again. They were very enthusiasitc about learning which I have seen is a common trend among many Thais. We often complain about studying and school work and even though they complained about having to free time they seemed to enjoy the studying that they do.
Peace, Love, and Lissu (I stole this title from Joy…)
On Saturday, November 16th, we arrived in a Lissu village, which ended up being one of the most interesting weekends of my life. Kelsey, my housemate, and I hopped in the back of a truck (more like fell into the back of the truck… but that’s just a minor detail) and were brought to our host-moms house. She immediately gave us lunch at which time I tried to sit on the itty bitty stool she set out for me and nearly fell over which made me burst into uncontrollable laughter. I hope she didn’t think I was laughing at her! After lunch we walked back up to Ajan Oteme’s hut (she lived in the village for a number of years and the people built her a mud hut) and were brought on a tour from there.
The tour was more like a hike through the woods. In the middle of the woods was this shack looking place surrounded by a bamboo fence. In fact, this was the spirit house. The girls were not allowed because of some business about having menstrual blood or something or other… anyway, so we stood outside and waited for the guys. We continued walking though the woods until we got to the fish pond and chicken coup which supplied the school children with fresh eggs for lunch. We walked around the pond which then led to the school. It was was the weekend so there were very few kids around… just a few boys playing soccer. Besides houses that was all there was to really see on the tour.
The rest of the night was pretty mellow. We had dinner, I drew some pictures with our little host brother, read, and went to sleep. However, before going to sleep we had to move the mattress away from the wall where an infestation of ants was invading our bed and also kill a huge spider that was hanging right over Kelsey’s head. Our host mom heard all the commotion, at which point I couldn’t stop hysterically laughing. I hope she didn’t think I was laughing at her I just thought the whole experience was really funny… well, I guess now looking back on that, it wasn’t all that uneventful, was it?
On Sunday we woke up late, at 9 AM. We had breakfast and were instructed to spend the day with our families but our host mom wasn’t doing much so we decided we would go for a walk. We walked down the street, with our host mom following close behind. (I had read that families in villages very rarely let guests go out alone… I had never really felt that until this trip). Down the street we were approached by a man asking us, in Thai, if we drink beer. It was only 10 AM but we didn’t have much to do so we though, why not sit down and have a glass of beer with this guy? Well, a glass turned into sharing 5 big bottles of Chang beer between Kelsey, two of the Lissu men, and me. There was no such thing as “I don’t want” or “I’m full.” Needless to say, we were pretty buzzed by 11:30 AM.
Thankfully, at that time a truck with all the Thai Studies people pulled up. They said they were going to the field to see some ceremony and we were looking for any excuse to get away from the men with the beer. It was way to early to be that tipsy! We happily said good-bye and fell into the back of the truck. again… I was really embarrassed but at the time I couldn’t do anything except laugh.
The field was a pretty far way away, down a bumpy, windly, dirt road and by the time we actually got there I had to go to the bathroom so bad my stomache hurt! I had to find a spot to pop a squat ASAP! I took care of that and then was asked to be interviewed by a Thai girl. She was learning English so it was basically all the questions I know in Thai. It was fun… she videotaped me and took my picture.
While the interview was going on I was looking down the hill at the ceremony. It was to honor the big spirit and give thanks for a good crop season. They killed two chickens, did some chanting/praying, and then made lunch for everyone. After the interview, during lunch. I found a spot on the mat that everyone sitting on, under a big tree, made myself comfortable and tried to take a nap. It was a really relaxing day actually, minus the being slightly intoxicated early in the morning.
After lunch we all hopped back in the truck and Kelsey and I, having just completely sobered up, were looking forward to a nap. However, when we got home out host mom was drunk. She was dancing and singing and thought it would be fun to dress us up and parade us around the village. She threw the most trippy Lissu outfits you could imagine at us and fussed with belts and some sort of pom pom tail that she gave me. We went to all her friends houses and saw all our friends. Our host mom was grabbing everyone to sing and dance with her. At 5 PM we headed up to Ajan Oteme’s house where we were all gathering for dinner. Everyone showed up dressed up – thank goodness! We spend the whole night dancing, eating, taking pictures, and playing with all the children. Of course there was whiskey going around and being forced on people, luckily, i was able to avoid it. Despite the fact that I didn’t drink anything and that our room was infested with ants… I slept very well that night!
The next morning we woke up at 9AM again, had our breakfast, and then were rushed out of the house to a house nearby where everyone was gathered. We didn’t know what was going on but we were placed in the corner with the rest of the foreigners. Apparently, we later found out, it was a ceremony for a girl that had been sick for quite a while. They were tying white strings around here and sacrificed a pig in order to try to get her spirit to come back to her. They believe that the reason she was sick was because her spirit was kind of floating in limbo, or something along those lines.
We sat there for about an hour or two. We were offered lunch, were spoken Thai to by a crazy old man, and were offered whiskey, yet again. At noon, we met up at Ajan Oteme’s and gave our gifts to and paid our host families. We ate lunch AGAIN and left at about 2 PM.
This whole UHDP – Lissu village tirp was definitely… interesting. I am happy that I got to see and experience all of these things that most people don’t. Of course, there are things I could have done without and the trip made me appreciate all the luxurious comforts I have, even at Payap, and even more so in NY!
I Wasn’t Aware I Signed Up For Lord of the Flies…
“‘Kill the pig! Cut his throat! Kill the pig! Bash him in!’”
- William Golding, Lord of the Flies, Ch. 7
On Friday, Nov. 14th, we arrived at UHDP (Upland Holistic Development Project). It was a small community of people who do research and experimentation with certain methods of growing crops and raising livestock and fish. They tests different methods and things that work particularly well are implemented in nearby upland villages.
However, what I most want to talk about was the killing of the pig. I went against my instincts to not watch because everyone kept saying it would be a good thing to see… to learn how people get their meat. I WILL NEVER SECOND GUESS MY FIRST INSTINCT AGAIN! I don’t even want to go into the details of how they killed the pig because it was so horrible! I just wanted to block out the sound… the screaming of the pig but I couldnt! No matter how hard I pressed my hands against my ears! I felt desperate to get away from it and for some reason I was paralyzed from moving. I hid my face behind everyone else that was there so I couldn’t see… the sound was bad enough. It took so long! Every nerve on my body was on edge and if my legs were listening ot my brain I would have run away but instead I stood there and started to cry.
Now, let me tell you. I NEVER cry in front of people unless I really really really can’t hold it in. I was embarrassed but I couldn’t help the tears from welling up in my eyes no matter how much I tried to fight 
them! Needless to say, no matter how hypocritcal or “Western” people think I am… I like the supermarket! I like walking into a store and buying my meat neatly cut and packaged, and most importantly, already dead! I couldn’t eat meat for a week after seeing that. I have slowly been able to eat more and more meat as the days go by… but if I start thinking about it I can’t get another bite down…
That experience really made me miss the comforts of home…
Loy Loy Krathong, Loy Loy Krathong
On Wednesday, 11/12 I went to on eo fhte history teachers houses for dinner. All the IPSL students were invited by Adam. She lives right on the Ping River in this beautiful house! We ate great food and were able to see all the festivities!
When we got there we immediately started eating… everything was DELICIOUS! There was chicken wings, pad thai, sausage, fried rice, a sweet peanut dip with vegetables and chips, fruity punch, and my favorite, fudgy brownies! YUM!
After we ate we got our Krathongs and went out by the river. Everyone on the ledges of the river and on the bridges were setting off fireworks, floating Krathongs, and letting off lanterns. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I feel really privileged that I was able to see something like that first hand… because no pictures can capture the majestic beauty! It was something I wish I could have shared 
with the people I love… maybe one day…
Anyway, we lit our Krathongs, took some pictures, and then let them go into the river. the whole point of this, from what I have heard is to give respect to the water goddess and also to rid yourself of your “sins.” The point of the lanterns is to let go of something that has been weighing down on your shoulders. I really like these concepts and even though I didn’t set off a lantern during Loy Krathong, when I did in Samui I really did feel a weight lift off my shoulders as I decided to let go of a lot of things and watched the lantern burn up in the atmosphere, and in turn, so did those things that were bothering me.
After floating our Krathongs we wanted to go across the bridge to see if we could see the floats in the parade. We couldn’t see much because the crowd was so big and most of the time I was just watching out for people putting firecrackers near us and setting off lanterns right by your head. The Thai people, I guess, like to scare foreigners with the firecrackers and fireworks. They find it hysterical! After making our way back over the bridge we decided that we needed to get a drink for surviving the night. We stayed out until about 1 AM and met up with a bunch of the other girls. It was a really great night… theres no way for me to describe the beauty of the the lanterns in the sky. I really do wish I could have shared it with at least one person from home…
I told Jessica I was going to blog about this…
Okay SO… as we were standing up on yet another stage in Mae Sot getting ready to “perform” I turned to Jessica said “I WILL be blogging about this”… so here it goes!
If I could use one word to describe a majority of my experiences in Thailand it would be humiliation! Why do we have to perform EVERYWHERE we go? I mean its not like we can say no because most of them are performing for us but it is like my worst nightmare! First of all, for my service placement I am teaching and I don’t know what I would do without Asa! I hate being up in front of people… I freak out for weeks in advance about presentations and now I have to get up in front of groups of people for 9 hours a week! I guess I have gotten slightly more comfortable the more i have done it but it still causes me a lot of anxiety! BUT NOW I also have to do extra teaching for ICU in front of peers! No matter what… it just keeps getting worse!
We also had to perform in Mae Jaem, Mae Sot, Sukothai… and probably more places that I can’t even think of. They want us to sing a Thai song at International day!! I am NOT a CLOWN!
As if being a foreigner and not speaking the language well isn’t enough humiliation… why not add on to it as much as possible! I feel like I am a puppet! Ya know… Dance, monkey, dance!
Anyway… I just needed to vent about that! I hope I am getting my point across! If this semester is giving me ANOTHER ulcer I am writing a very angry letter to someone!
Where did my weekends go?
A few days after we returned from Sukothai we had to repack our bags and get on the road again. This time we were headed to Mae Sot. I was kind of anxious about this trip because I knew we would be visiting refugee camps and medical clinics and my only experience with such things are whatever I have seen in the movies. However, I was actually surprised at how different the places were then what I had imagined. They by no means were an ideal situation but people were happy and seemed to just be living as best as they could. I guess I imagined people crying and kids with limbs missing from land mines sitting around. I expected to hear a lot of sad stories… but it wasn’t like that at all. The children were playing soccer and mothers were cooking for their families. I, of course, realize that these people have had many hardships that I can not understand BUT it was not as devastatingly depressing as I had imagined. 
I was really amazed at these peoples strength. I think if I were put into the same position they are in I might just crumble and not be able to pick myself up again. I guess when you have to live that way you just learn to accept it but I just think about how I have been struggling with my homesickness… which is nothing compared to what the Burmese have gone through! I hope that I can spread awareness of their situation when I get back to the US. Before I came to Thailand I knew little to nothing about the situation in Burma and still knew very little even before we went to Mae Sot. I feel like I learned a lot and although I can never understand their lives I hope that I can tell my family and friends and hopefully open the eyes of at least a few more Americans!
